O Canada

Ever the predator

you hunt me still in the solo silence of Canadian nights where the tall trees circle you and the stars are

cut off

cut off from everything

you are

Cut off from humanity

your humanity shapeshifter wolf shedding

sheepskin

whether you like it or not you pad slowly in darkness knowing that you are condemned to the life of the lone wolf you are

condemned and condemning ever the

creator of your own prison how many have been your prey

death follows you for everything you touch dies

everything

I remember the hawk who flew into your window and the callous dead way he flew one last time as you flung his body over the fence into the woods

how houseplants died and how you tried to murder my soul how you slaughtered the truth

God knows you.

Predator.

I think of you in passing then life turns my head to other things like my lake and how I would not be home if I had stayed with you not know such complete happiness had I stayed with you and your sharp sabre like tongueteeth which kills tender souls

no

I belong in the here and the now on the driftwood log on Wisconsin Point at one with wind, water and Spirit

while you

lurk in the shadows knowing nothing but deadness and lethargy and the emptiness of the house at night where all of what I had lingers waiting for a return that will never come

if you were not so calculating

I could almost pity you

Alone

Wolf

but I know your kind

devouring tender souls

I see you in the tree line shadow man-child

the breeze shakes the leaves of the trees and you melt into the brush only

to return

predator

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woman whole

I do not know what I have reconciled except

a sense of myself which separated from me long ago has come to me lost

in thick northern pines and birches

where we lodged those memories

drowned in wild waves and winds smashing beaches, cliffs and breakwalls.

Lostandfound now are that night I lay on the beach at the Point where the Northern Lights danced in colored shimmers weaving and undulating purples, yellows, pinks and greens across the ink black sky

The wind whispers that I have become one with who I was where I was when fear and rage and pain created who I was

turns out that the illusion was the monster who was really not one at all what is real is

Who I am

unapologetic

Unafraid

beautiful

wild woman walking on water weaving dreams stars trailing behind me

I wear rage and fear and overcoming stitched in my life-coat of many colors which I wear with defiance and pride and shyness

I dance while

the water sings

Roaring on the shore

autopsy

four times you have dug me up

peeled the skin away from my extremities

Cracked my ribs open to peer at my heart

and not content with looking

sliced it open scalpel at the ready

you oh vivisectionist, reveling in my dry and rotted flesh watched

as the blood drained from me and

I grew progressively cold

and whiter

you could not wait until I was dead before you peeled the muscle from my bones

my screams of pain your face impassive I the

experiment

you will not find my humanity in my bones

torturer you cannot wear it like a second skin oh if you could disguise yourself

Hannibal Lecter of humans

eater of emotion

murderer

of loving souls

how many skeletons of those who went before me are buried in your basement deep abyss black pitiless intent your

mind their faces your face interchangeable

I see you standing over the bodies nightly in the dark

pondering your next victim

Predator

Narcissus

Everything is quiet now

like the day after

The earthquake

nothing is as it was nor ever can be

and I am left staring at the detritus wondering if I lit the fuse

or you

what if id just gone along and

been still

what if id stood up for me

who were you really jumbled up in my mind remembering how you told me God came

To you

Spoke to you

like some Old Testament prophet

promised you we would marry you said

how you held me remembering how we planned our wedding our secret plans for Florida remembering how you wanted me constantly calling you hours on the phone hundreds of emails love bombing me move in with me you said

when I got there then you picked me up and

hurled me over the precipice

suddenly

watched impassively as I fell.

God took my love for you

You said.

Don’t go you said.

I heartbroken shattered

confused

Bewildered stayed

where did the love go not understanding it was never there oh no God took it he will give it back when you’re ready

I believed

You

twenty five plus years of knowing nothing about you

suddenly revealed

what you knew about me an unending supply of ammunition

weaponized,

you stopped one day while we walked you’re fat you said

words punching me in the stomach so proud of the weight I’d lost losing more

Insignificant you said

triumph seeing my anger and confusion

and that was the beginning of

the end I with no defenses while

Daily the bombs fell.

I hate how you eat you said

I hate how you look you said

I hate how you walk you said

I don’t like the way you talk you said

I don’t like your sense of humor you said

I don’t like where you came from your family are hillbillies you said

you’re uncultured you said

can’t have you around my family you said till I teach you to walk and talk and eat and act like a lady you said all dancing around in my head simultaneously remembering how smart you thought I was once how funny and vivacious you said I was beautiful we made loverunning into remembering late at night I on one side of your wall you on the other all leading up to the day when you said

You’re mentally ill and

we’ll never have anything until you’re fixed you said.

and you were going to wait and have faith and pray for me while God fixes me

You saint.

You saint.

poking away in my past pushing buttons doing all the things that hurt me I the child you the parent controlling what I ate what I drank how far we walked how I talked while

convincing me how different you are how good you are how healthy you are how while taking me apart brick by brick day by day

until

I am pieces I try to reassemble during the day when you are not there

when you gone is a relief

When you gone means I am free

until

I am nothing more than invisible to you nothing more than someone you used to know nothing more

nothing more than

nothing

I’m helping you, you said.

You’re too sensitive you said.

You should be grateful you said.

I give you everything you said.

Funny how words are worse than atomic bombs how they destroy the soul shatter the heart wound worse than shrapnel

“You’ll deserve me one day,” you said.

was I saved from you or by you or

was I dumped by you

God knows better than I

He set me free

He said.

for Las Vegas

what do we do when the darkness we sang in is no longer our friend when a madman unleashes his unreasoning anger in deadly speeding shafts of light from on high that cut through us mowing us down like grass and we discover suddenly that bullets transform us from people with loves and lives and families into fish in a barrel

when the news suddenly is not impersonal and we become the news when reality slams into us with the force of a car into a crowd or bullets into soft skin shouting in its hatred that no place is safe and Hate and Rage are all that is I say

do not give up hope for

the sky may seem bereft of God or Spirit but I saw Him among you gathering souls

perhaps you felt Him brushing past you in the crowds when love caused strangers to protect one another and perhaps he was the hand that yanked you into a van to safety or pushed you under a car

whatsoever you do to others you do it to Me He says

Those bullets tore through to the truth we all know but forget in our daily opinions and tirades and jealousy and fear

We are human we are love we are angels to strangers when bullets fly nobody cares about politics color or religion–only look

LOOK

Truth speaks softly look and see

See the helpers

See who you are beautiful people

So many helping and helped and helped and are helping strangers helping strangers in thousands of stories yet to be heard because

we are not

democrat or

republican or

atheist or

Christian we are not

labels we are

People we are

Americans we are those who reach out in floods and fires and tornadoes and hurricanes we are those who rescue and comfort

we are the mothers who bring food to those without we are the fathers who rescue the babies of others we are the ones who rebuild and bind wounds and wipe tears

we are not our anger and our petty disagreements or our divisions

in the end in the face of evil and bullets cutting through the night we are no longer strangers or enemies or adversaries

In that moment, we are one

we are love

we are American

Love one another even as I have loved you

charlottesville

Darkness creeps down over the passage of years

falling

enveloping

insidious

I stand in a vision in choking darkness

staring at a never healed wound

in the soul of this country

Civil war whispers out of the past

and I see a flash of red out of the corner

of my eye

the blood of thousands marches out of the

mists murmuring unrest and hate

Then I see them.

Faintly at first like candlelight they follow

the procession of the dead

orange glow flickering firelight

the hopeless and the angry full of false equivalencies walk in lockstep muted unreasoned fury in restraint

waiting to be unleashed

a river of fire wending endlessly a snake of fire

heavy passions twisted into patriotism

Boldly hate is unmasked

Done are they waiting for the answer

they have come as Death’s minions armed with clubs and guns and fire and fury

vigilantes for liberty of the white race

They have come to save us from extinction

You see.

They are heroes waiting ruthlessly to die for their country

to be made into statues like the heroes

of a lost cause long ago who have stared into the future with the alacrity of a sleeping dragon

There is no shame in their hatred of Other

Darkness seeps into light at last and there is none to stop them

only victorious leaders watching silently

as their napalm atomic vision of victory over the enemies that have watered down and delayed their being

grows closer to resurrection

Out of the darkness hurtles Death and her dark demons follow after her gleefully applauding bodies flying into the air

they have shed first blood

they are soldiers on the front lines where truth is inverted and lies are truth and freedom isn’t freedom and we are the enemy and following after

this tiki torch parade

follows demonic faces with swastikas carved into them and Evil wrapping

blackness into a cloak daring

God and Peace and Love and Truth to

stop it

Ravens pick at the dead and the storm

gathers

Rosebud, Missouri

rosebud6n-5-web

Red white and blue rises again

in the Southern breeze

the ghosts of strange fruit

hanging on Southern trees

grimly resurrected.

suddenly

the past collides with the present

in a train wreck of truth

the gauntlet is laid

while the nation watches

the marchers walk on

fried chicken and watermelon

the racist repast

while parents scream hate

and children listen

and the marchers walk on

Southern tradition here

at its finest

instead of white sheets

there is white paper

covering the shame

of a nation

the journey for justice

marches on

Rattlesnake hate strikes out

and, powerless, shatters on the ground

flashbacks

flicker

police brutality brought to light

in black white then color

go home nigger

the past shouts into the present

the Secesh flag waves whipped by

shouts and

153 years of

sleeping hatred

in silent dignity

the marchers walk on

the past

present

hate

Image

it cuts, this double edged sword

hordes of black crows descending

riding the shoulders pecking the head

wring it at the neck before it pecks you dead

hate the black man

hate the red

hate the Mexican

for political ends

hate blends and twists

a hidden cyst

hating women

gays and feminists

hate Democrats, conservatives,

the foreign born

talk of them with righteous scorn

Wait a moment…wait, what’s this?

Let’s get God into the mix

haters morph into mystics

then hate sticks

pardoned by Bibles, prayer and church

my aren’t we lofty on our hater’s perch?

pay lip service to forgiveness, helping the poor

while the rich we all adore

we all want to stop it

surely we do

you can’t till you realize

the hater in you

our choice

there are words on a page
flat, uncompromising
and there are words
that make drumbeats sound strident
and that warm the blood for war
and words that caress with the gentleness
of an afternoon misting of rain
that the sun shines through
rainbows that linger in the silence thereafter
and words that are whispers
sugar sparkling as it slides off a coffeespoon
the afternoon sun lingering softly
the voice that sings words like the orchestras of the world
that live, a logos of living powers
that sing in the still, small voice
of God.